How do you stay connected when you have kids?

The reality is it's not about "perfection."

Author

Maria Marchewka
August 26, 2025

In partnership with

A subscriber recently emailed me with a topic that hit home:

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How do you stay connected with your partner when you have kids?

It’s something I think about a lot, and since it’s such a universal challenge, I asked Maria (who helps me write these newsletters) to share her perspective.

Here’s her take:

There’s no perfect balance between being a partner and a parent. There’s really only effort.

For my husband and me, evenings are tough. 

Honestly, by the time the kids are in bed, we’ve got about one collective brain cell left, so long, deep conversations aren’t realistic.

That's why we shifted that connection to mornings. A few minutes over coffee before the day begins. Quick check-ins, not hour-long catch-ups.

And I think that’s the key. 

It’s not about carving out an ideal time. It’s about making use of the time you actually have.

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Social media makes it seem like every couple needs elaborate date nights and perfectly scheduled “quality time” for it to mean something. 

That’s the dream, but the reality is, connection often happens in small moments like a quick call during the day, a laugh in the kitchen, a text between meetings.

It’s not about doing it perfectly. It’s about showing up consistently, in the time you do have.

Because at the end of the day, your kids don’t just need parents. They need to see their parents’ strong partnership, too.

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